A post I didn't complete, saved as a draft, and is now still true, but slightly outdated

The past two weeks have irreversibly altered my life. I have never felt more loved and accepted and happy in my entire life. The Beginning of a new phase in my life began with the spring term here at BYU and has continued to get better every moment. It amazes me how well God knows me and what I need. I mean, I've always known that he knows me personally, but I am still blown away by proof of it every single day. Miracles. They are miracles. Even if they are little things, they are still miracles. Like my roommates. That's a miracle right there. Who knew you could instantly love a stranger and not exactly know why. Or a couple of strangers like the adorable Chelsea and Brittany whom i live with and have such a delight sharing the experiences of college life. Or the miracle of a strong group of men and women with the devotion and motivation to become closer to God through consistent daily scripture study. God really is totally cognizant of my need for love and acceptance and examples. To have so many people surrounding me who love me, really love me, is a miracle and something i'm not exactly used to or have really been aware of.

With these past two weeks on my mind, the other day I drove up the road and sat gazing at the temple . It made me think of Katie and how she uses the temple as a beacon and a goal and a calming reminder. The reassurance of the eternal nature of the ordinances in that temple, and my worthiness to participate in them placed every event in clearer perspective. Sometimes i struggle to see my life with an eternal perspective. I get caught up on my GPA and scholarship qualifications or the weekend's homework or sometimes even just finding the time to take a nap. But while those things, and the way i live my life, do have an impact on my life, in the grand scheme of things, they are insignificant. But that doesn't mean God doesn't care about the little things i care about. His tender mercies are so abundant in my life. He helps me stay awake for my four hours of class after I've already worked for 4 hours out in the sun and only gotten  4 hours of sleep the previous night. That's a miracle.

Gee, I'm happy. :)

No Excuse

The best time of day to make new friends is at 5:40 in the morning. A classmate from my book of Mormon class last semester called me up a few days ago and asked me if I could do a huge favor and drive her up to the airport Friday morning. She and I weren't super close and hadn't had more than a couple of conversations but I figured it would be a good opportunity to help someone out and make a new friend. Besides, my philosophy has always been, ever since getting my car 4 years ago, that I've been blessed with this wonderful transportation, which i never had to pay for, so I might as well use it to bless the lives of others. I picked her up at the home where she nannies down in the river bottoms. I expected her to be sleepy and the car ride to be comfortable, but we got talking about the trip she was headed on. She was flying out to Colorado to surprise her dad for his birthday, and she was super excited because he had absolutely no clue she was coming. We had an interesting conversation about family dynamics and relationships with parents. Her parents are split and her dad and step-mom aren't members, but she talked about the recent closeness she's developed with her dad. I guess talking with someone who has a different background and family life made me realize how much I've always taken my family and my upbringing for granted. It amazes me, when I reflect on it, just how incredibly blessed I have been to have been raised in the gospel, in a strong family who loves each other. I've had opportunities for travel and education. The quality of learning I've gotten from the homeschooling to the private LDS school American Heritage and now at BYU is more than most people in the world could even hope of. Having always been blessed to have a job and money of my own has been very wonderful not only because its taught me self reliance and self control, but also work ethic and commitment. The people who have come in and out of my life, particularly those who have gone out, have shaped who I am and how I perceive my world.

Right about now, I'm wondering what I ever could have done to deserve these wonderful blessings. It has to have been something that God already knew I would accomplish or something I did in the pre-mortal life because so many of these blessings were already prepared for me before I entered this world. I can't help but think to myself, "Does God really love me THAT MUCH?" Every fiber in my body tingles as though heavenly arms just reached out to embrace me. I know he truly does. And thinking further on this and the tangible love permeating my soul, I recognize that I have absolutely no excuse. No excuse whatsoever to be unhappy or to make poor decisions or judge others. Kelsey (that's my new friend i took to the airport mentioned how sometimes, when we look at a person, and the way they live their life and the choices they've made, and we judge them for that, forgetting we don't know their background, we are making a big mistake. Sometimes, maybe those lifestyles are not their fault, but a result of their upbringing and their childhood. They might actually have a good cause and excuse. But me, I don't have an excuse. I will never have an excuse to blame God for anything that goes wrong in my life or to reject him and his Gospel because of the abundant evidence of his hand my my life. If I ever were to deny his love for me or loose faith in his guiding hand, it would be a tragic day. I'm writing this for myself so that, when I'm struggling, I can read this and remember the feelings I felt this morning driving in my car as the sun rose over the mountains. A wonderful reminder that I do not have any excuse.

His Hands

His hands
tools of creation
stronger than nations
power without end
and yet through them we find our truest friend.
His hands
sermons of kindness
healing men's blindness
halting years of pain
children waiting to be held again.

His hands would serve His whole life though
showing man what hands might do
giving, ever giving, endlessly
each day was filled with selflessness
and I'll not rest until I make up my hands what they could be
'til these hands become like those from Galilee

His hands
lifting a leper
warming a beggar
calling back the dead
breaking bread, five thousand fed
His hands
hushing contention
pointing to heaven
ever free of sin
then bidding man to follow Him

His hands would serve His whole life though
showing man what hands might do
giving, ever giving, endlessly
each day was filled with selflessness
and I'll not rest until I make up my hands what they could be
'til these hands become like those from Galilee

His hands
clasped in agony
as He he lay pleading, bleeding in the garden
while just moments away
other hands betray Him
out of greed, shameful greed
and then His hands
are trembling
straining to carry the beam that they've been led to
as He stumbles through the streets
heading towards the hill on which He died
He would die
they take His hands, His mighty hands, those gentle hands
and then they pierce them, they pierce them
He lets them, because of love
from birth to death was selflessness
and clearly now i see him with His hands
calling to me
and though I'm not yet as I would be
He has shown me how I could be
I will make my hands like those from Galilee

Kenneth Cope